♥ SWIM or Sink

The big decision

Date : Sunday, February 12, 2012

I never ever dreamt this would ver happen in my life..

It's such a long story... My dad is thinking of moving to Indonesia as he might want to work there in a Christian school and do what he likes to do the last of his working years.. I can't accept it. I just can't. It's just out of my mind! He said either I follow them to an Indonesian university or be left all alone in Singapore to complete my studies. I can't imagine life all alone! My sis and mum will either stay with me or go with my dad. But frankly, I'd rather them go with my dad and take care of him vos it's a whole new place over there.. But I really can't believe this is happening to me.. Thinking about spending my life in a hostel without my family, without weekly family lunches and dinners, no more meals together, just makes me feel so sad and I help but cry whenever I think about this topic!

My dad said if it's God's will he will go and bring my sis and mum along where my sis will probably go to an international school. But God, I know this is bad but I can't surrender my family :( I have always pitied my friends whose dad travels so often, whose parents live in another country from them and bow if u go, I won't be any different. This is not a question about independence but tr issue of loneliness. I already always feel so lonely now and without my family I would be even worst! I know I musnt keep thinking about myself and the family in general but my dad who has sacrificed so much for us... but not this way please? I really hate to see myself part from my family or even stay away from them.. I really don't want it God.. Up till now, I just can't bring myself to accept it even if it is your will, I know I'm supposed to accept it but I just can't.. But god if it really is your will, help me to accept it.. :(

Dad says he may even leave with kris and mum this august :( this is too sudden srsly! I feel so depressed just thinking about it I can't even concentrate on my work and my stuff!!!

Life is a bed of thorns || 1:50 PM

2012

Date : Monday, January 9, 2012

Today is the first day of school..
It had been so tiring and I've been slping at 3-4am everynight before today as I was studying for Chem and Bio tests! Anyway, thank God I'm done with the long Bio test and I really think my school's retarded to have a full bio paper (2.5hours), testing on the whole J1 syllabus, on the first day of school!! Have a Chem test this Friday too! sighh oh well but I finished studying my first round (: Need to practise more questions though!

Just some updates.. (:
Had CG outing, or rather CG dinner last sat and I think it was great! Well, a great start (: we celebrated Amanda's birthday and haha went to daiso to shop! Looking forward to more bonding time with my CG! (:

Actually, I'm quite excited for school.. omg I'm saying it... but yeah, I really want to start and end and journey this year rightly! So yeah! And besides, haha I like homework! (: haha okayy...

Life is a bed of thorns || 8:48 PM

Thanksgiving

Date : Monday, January 2, 2012

Haha usually I do this at the end of the previous year but yeah, haha I'm late this year :P
Yup anyway I really want to thank God for everything He had done in my life a d for the amazing people He put in my life too :) last year, 2011, has been an eventful year.. A year full of adaptations to make, year full of ups and downs, a challenging year to summarize it. But nevertheless, I thank God for helping me survive th year!

Really want to thank God for my family. Though last year was about the year which has the most family conflicts and problems.. I'm thankful that haha last year has past an I hope that this year would be a better year.. Thank God for my family which supported me always and thank God for the family time we had together, and that includes going overseas together at the end of last year! It was a wonderful trip especially that we could serve Hod together in care corner orphanage foundation :)

Next, wanna thank some very important friends in my life..

I thank God for Joanne, firstly I thank God for helping her go through a smooth pregnancy and next for holding her close grouch all the painful moments and for being with her throughout.. I'm so thankful for knowing her and for having the chance to be her BRP and good friend :) I thank God for a wonderful mentor!

Next, I thank God for Sabrina and Joyce too for being sub great friends and mentors too! I hope they don't leave the youth ministry though! :/

Thank God for Alicia, my best friend in school.. Though this year was a year full of conflicts between us, but I thank God that these conflicts have somehow brought us closer :) and I thank God too that I managed to tell her more abput you and I pray that ou will continue to change her and touch her :) thanks for always putting us together :) same sec sch, same cca, same JC :) I pray for an even better friendship and that we will be able to support each other through this tough year! :)

Thank God for my class, CG 25/11. Though I'm not so close to anyone of them, but I thank God for putting me in such a GUAI class in which very teacher says is the most well-behaved class ever :) I pray God that you will use me in this class as out of 25, only 3 are Christians and the rest are non-believers.. I pray you will use me to tell them about You :) but first of all, help me to love them too :) as loving others = loving You :)

Thank God for my CCA, soccer. This year was a really tough year for us.. Being on the verge of closing down, people quitting becos they think training is too tough.. But nevertheless, I thank God so much for keeping us together and for bringing in new people to join our team :) I pray that you will strengthen all of us, especially our captain Brenda! And help us to have good attitudes when we play and train!!

Lastly, I thank God for being in my youth ministry.. It has been so encouraging to see more people coming to know you.. :) and I pray that Lord you will continue to fill, touch and strengthen them when they are weak :) help them to know that you are always here for them and that life is not going to be easier when they accept you as their saviour but life is more meaningful as they have You beside them helping them and supporting them :) I pray You continue to work in the ministry and bring all of us to a whole new level :) to spread the love you showed us to our friends :)

This year is gonna be tough but I'm not fretting cos I have You with me! :D and I'm glad that I'm not worrying now like how I used to every year! Why! Becos I know I just need to dou best and leave the rest to you now! I'm drillin this in my head! :P

Life is a bed of thorns || 1:14 PM

Chiang Mai - Bangkok trip 2011

Date : Tuesday, December 27, 2011

It was definitely a fruitful trip! And here's it sumarised (:

Day One
We took a straight flight to ChiangMai! The weather over there was cold and lovely! Pastor Ricky picked us straight from the airport to Care Corner Orphanage Foundation (: It was cool cos I came to this orphanage to serve in Jan earlier this year (:

Day Two
The breakfast was awesome! SPICY PASTA! And right now I'm totally craving for it! :p Headed to Makro to shop for art and craft stuff in which we would be using to teach the kids in the orphanage the next day! We practised and 'rehersed' the making of the crafts as a family. We played and interacted with the kids and After dinner, it was night service! My sis and I lead the worship (: It was cool and seeing them learn the actions of the praise songs so happily and readily! (: And then we rehersed their performance of candlelight christmas skit (: Thankfully my favourite kid, Bam still remembered me in the end! Spent the rest of the night with the kids abd watching them draw. Many even gave me their drawings as presents! So sweet! (:

Pastor Ricky brought us for supper BEEF NOODLES!SO YUMMY!

Day Three
Art and crafts day! We spent the morning teaching the kids art and craft which could decorate their orphanage compound for Christmas! And the end product was simply PRETTY! Seeing the kids so pleased and elated with their art work really made me feel so happy too (:

Later in the afternoon, we went for elephant riding. I VOW NEVER TO RIDE AN ELEPHANT ANYMORE! D: The elephants were like 'tortured'! They had to walk and balance through very narrow paths and narrow walkways! I really pity them so much ): poor ellies ):

After elephant riding, we went for bamboo rafting! Oh that was COOL! The water was freezing cold! And we sat on bamboos which took us through a rocky river! It was really a great experience (:

In the night, Pastor Ricky's children, Jerrie and Jacinth headed to the cultural walking street with my family! It was again an unending street! Just like when I came in Jan earlier this year! :p I bought handmade notebooks for my friends' christmas presents and a piano painting for myself! (: We went for supper DUCK NOODLES AND TAU HUI! YUM (:

Day Four
After breakfast, we headed to the tallest Mountain in Thailand, Doi Intanon! This mountain is so beautiful!! Simply in love with it! We had lunch there and went mountain trekking for 2 hours plus plus! IT WAS SO TIRING but fun!! My favourite and most memorable place in this mountain is the meadows in the clouds! It's so heavenly! Seriously! I've never been to such a beautiful and heavenly place! Unforgettable much! (:

After that we went to a waterfall which was HUGE! The biggest waterfall i've seen so far in my life! The water wass just splashing out freely of the plunge pool! COOL!

After dinner back in the orphanage (last dinner) );, we made our last goodbye to the kids and headed to Maninakorn hotel in the city centre of Chaingmai. I cried when I had to leave the kids.. they are all so adorable.. gonna miss all of them especially Bam and Nung, my 2 favourite girls, and Wi and Sally, my 2 cute boys! I wish for all of them to live healthily and happily.. God bless all of them!

We went to the night bazaar in the night after dinner im a Chinese restaurent!

Day Five
We went to a local market which was quite cool! We bought shampoo and other toiletries hahaha! Then we went to the night bazaar (: Yup, that's actually about it (:

Day Six
We went to a cooking school called, Baan Thai, it was cool! The chefs brought us to the market to show us around and the ingredients used in Thai food! (: Thai cooking is fun! Basically with the ingredients, sugar, fish sauce, CHILLI! I cooked four dishes, Phad Thai, Tom Yum Kung, Spring Roll and Thai Curry Noodles! It was cool cooking and making new friends from around the world while cooking together (:

Day Seven onwards
We headed to Bangkok! Actually I'm not really gonna post about bangkok cos almost all we did was shopping! Except that we went to Jim Thompson musuem (: Sadly, I fell sick on one of the days but was well soon after (:

It was a great trip and family bonding time! The board games and chips made it better though! (:

Merry Christmas!!!

Life is a bed of thorns || 8:47 PM

Life

Date : Sunday, December 11, 2011

I really wish for a female figure in my life who truly understands me. Actually not any other female figure. But a mother who genuinely cares. It has been so long, but she doesn't understand my sis and I at all! She thinks we like others over her, she thinks we are not helping her genuinely and instead creating chaos, she thinks her life is so hard cos no one wants to help her when we all actually want to. I don't understand! Why does she always think so illly of my sis and I! It feels like there's no one I can turn to in my family.. Well, everyone thinks my family is perfect, it's great, a happy family. Well ive been trying to convince myself that it is! But no! I can't! It's not a happy family! It's a mere facade!!! It's all FAKE!

I don't know you anymore mummy. I wish I can stay away from you for a while and so I can give u and myself to think abt why u are doing this and how I shld face u. Though sometimes you are not scolding me but u are scolding Kristel, it hurts okay! It hurts to see the family atmosphere being so so sucky becos of u being angry at suer trivial things and scolding and beating everyone. I just don't like it.

It's not like me to say this but, I really wish I can get married soon and I'm sure I won't do this to my child...

Life is a bed of thorns || 2:24 PM

Coming to the end of 1st yr

Date : Tuesday, November 15, 2011

PW has ended and so has promos...

PW totally is my favourite! :) missing PW already.. :P

My results for promotional exams really suck.. :( and it really makes me wonder if im really stupid or not.. I studied so so hard for it! Slping at 2am and waking at 4am to revise in case I forget the info.everything just gone right down the drain.. Am I stupid?

Really starting to consider if medicine is the path I want to go. Whether it is the path that is suitable for me.. Should I stop dreaming? Do I still stand a chance? Do I want to work so hard? Im just starting to really question myself.. Sigh. Thinking of alternatives though :/ recently, I went for a medical immersion camp at nanyang poly and it was so interesting! It kinda made me still wanna go into medicine... :( haha oh well.

I feel my Christian life is kind of stagnant. I don't know exactly why.. I'm just really frustrated with this fact. It's like everyone is growing, everyone is experiencing more from God, receiving more from Him, continually getting blessed from Him... But I'm not. I just feel upset and I wonder why.. I don't like it when im always lagging. Well it seems like I'm always lagging in everything! Am I that of a loser? I mean, I'm glad to see many of my friends in church growing. It's good! It really is! But I just feel.. Sad that I'm not really growing although I really do want to. I don't know but I'm starting to enter the feeling of doubt. I wonder if God really hears my prayers. I wonder if He really sees me. When I worship him, sometimes I wonder why I'm clapping hands during praise songs and why I'm lifting my hands up during worship songs. Like why must I or do I or do ppl do that.. Just feel really disillusionised now..

Soccer. I hate my shin, ankle, leg or whatever. I have getting Injured. I want to play in the coming matches but how am I to play with a sprained ankle! What's wrong with me seriously!! :( just really angry with myself! I wanna be a guy on the field. But why do I appear to be like a gymnast on the field!!!?? I hate it. I hate myself for that.

Anyway, right now I've got to study really hard do I won't lag in school or anything.

Life is a bed of thorns || 11:48 AM

back to St Nicks!

Date : Thursday, September 1, 2011

Happy Teachers' Day!
Jolene, Huai Tian, Yuan Ting, Melissa and I went back to st nicks! Although we didn't manage to meet any of our teachers, we had good bonding time together! Miss those wonderful times!
Thanks for the memories!~

Life is a bed of thorns || 7:52 PM